that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
