you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
