my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
