like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
