Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
