Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
