I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
