sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
