; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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