made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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