we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize