Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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