I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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