just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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