Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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