so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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