so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
