If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
