Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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