we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
