so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My life is pants optional.
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