she looked like the before picture.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
