I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
