Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
