yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Small penises have feelings too.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
