i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
