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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.

  (719): View more from Colorado

  she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  are you serious?

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Houston, we have a squirter

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• (530): View more from California

  Maybe I'm a robot.

  (831): View more from California

  You can't be that drunk already

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• (212): View more from New York

  Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there

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• (509): View more from Washington

  This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here

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