Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
nutella sex= disaster
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
