hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
