I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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