yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
