Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
