Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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