I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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