i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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