I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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