that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you would pick up someone in the library
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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