wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
