oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
