I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
