hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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