you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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