he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
