i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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