the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
