I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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