found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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