We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
