you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i out mim tonsoeep
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