Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
