it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
