you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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