His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
