i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
