Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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