i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
