It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
