Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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