the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
