return my video game
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
