Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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