I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
