Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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