3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
