I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
