just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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