there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
