He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
