Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
