I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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