i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
