I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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