This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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