I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
