so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Soap is not a condiment
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wish my penis had a tongue
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
