Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My hand turned me down
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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