theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
